Friday, June 27, 2008

lots of things

I am currently in Atlanta helping with the boys. They are great but can be a handful, I dont know how Carrie does it! Jason works all the time - hes had a day and a half off since I've been here. Its nuts. I love the boys dearly but they are hard work. One at a time is easy, they are great. They tend to listen and everything but together they fight for attention and battle each other. Noah especially is hard, hes very very strong-willed!!

Tomorrow Tristan is coming to get me in the afternoon. So I told the boys today that I'm leaving tomorrow. Its always hard to leave even when the visit is hard and I'm tired from being with them. I dont know what we're going to do when I'm with him. It will be Saturday afternoon and then my flight leaves Tuesday night so a couple of days. He had suggested going to 6 Flags but with how hot it is I dont know if I can be outside all day long in the heat, I might burn to a crisp!

Oh yeah I think my ring is too big.... it moves when I type - the diamonds go to the bottom - and I'm worried about losing it. I think that when I take it to get cleaned in a couple of months I'll ask about that.

Also trying to schedule things with Toshi working is nuts. I'm working on scheduling food tasting, cake tasting and meeting a DJ - although the DJ has time while hes on vacation so thats great!

Toshi has started work and even though its tough it sounds like it got better after day one - today is day three and tomorrow hes on call for the first time - first official 30 hour shift! Anyway, I can tell its going to be hard with him working but even harder once I go back to work.

I can tell that I am not ready to have kids yet. I get frustrated and upset and I want to yell, sometimes I do. Time out is the greatest thing ever, works well for them most of the time. But it makes me worried how I will do when I have kids. Maybe its because they are related to me that I expect them to be great.... They are great, just really tough sometimes!

All for now, goodnight :-)

Saturday, June 21, 2008

playing the waiting game

Ok so I've never liked playing the waiting game, its no fun and things seem to take forever. Right now I'm waiting because tonight I'm going to get on the plane. I love my family and seeing Jeffrey and mom is great but I hate waiting, I wish I could just get on the plane and be done with it already! Also it sucks because I wish that I could be seeing Toshi - he and I are slightly addicted to each other!

The other thing is that I'm playing another waiting game... for the last week or so my breasts have felt big and for the last couple of days my stomach has felt funny... now neither on their own all that worriesome but together.... I took my last pill last night (would be tonight but I dont think I'm going to worry about taking it because I want to know sooner!) so now I'm waiting. I told Toshi and hes like well if thats the case then we'll just deal with it.... yeah true but not the best timing. that would mean March which is not the best since we're getting married in April and also before we move is not the best either and teaching would be out the window....

anyways.... hopefully its nothing because that would make life much simpler but as I said, playing the waiting game....

Thursday, June 19, 2008

End of school and Victoria

So school is finally done. I am glad that it is! I got a lot of work done in my classroom before school was over but there is still lots to do when I go back in the fall. I am planning on not going back until August. I did that last year too. It was so nice to be away and to not worry about anything! That reminds me, I need to call Meghan - she is planning a bridal shower of sorts for me with a bunch of the kids from school - all kids I like so it should be really fun. I need to get a day set with them before I go to Atlanta.

Over the weekend we went to Atlanta. That was post skydiving which was much more fun than I had anticipated. Really what were the chances that I was going to like jumping out of a plane? But it was great! The scariest part is actually getting out of the plane. Once we were falling I was ok. So Sunday morning we went to Victoria. It was a good but weird weekend. I think that I was off and he was a little off in anticipation of starting work but we had a really good time. We went to the Museum, IMAX, took a ferry boat tour of the harbour, went to Butchart Gardens and the Butterfly Gardens which were a blast. That reminds me I need to get my pictures online! I need to clear the memory card so I'll have space to put all my pics of the upcoming trip!

It was really good for us to get away. We had some moments of getting on each others nerves but we are learning how to deal with it. He does better than I do which is good because I think that I'm much harder to deal with than he is. I get frustrated with things very fast and dont always know what to do to fix being upset. But he handles me really well and always brings me back down to earth. I had one panic attack while we were gone - a major one where I was hyperventalating. He just sat and held me and got me to breathe. I havent heard back from the therapist yet, maybe I need to get in touch with her again to set something up when I get back rom Atlanta.

All in all things are good. I told Toshi I would stay out of his way while he was working but he has asked me to come over tonight and asked me to stay last night and I think thats a good thing. He's also got Saturday off so I'll stay over there on Friday night too. Then I'll be gone for 10 days which might be good because he'l really start working next week - right now just orientation stuff. He was done at Harborview this morning at 9 so was able to go back home and eat some before his UW orientation this afternoon. I hope that he finds out about the April vacation. I dont want to bug him about it. He told me he would take care of it and based on the rotation for that month he thinks that he might have weekends off anyway but still..... I would like to know sooner rather than later!

Ok, time to get back to work. I'm going to finish packing and start some cleaning I think. Then lunch and more cleaning. With the cats not here I can try and get a lot done. They are staying with mom right now. Tonight dinner with D'Amours, its been a while! And then Saturday night, late, off to Atlanta! Dont worry, the computer is coming with me :-)

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Graduation is tomorrow

Now see its funny because it doesnt seem like graduation should bother me. I know a couple of seniors but really Nathan is the only kid that I really know. However today I was talking to Jordan after school and she was saying how shes going to cry at graduation when the seniors start walking in. I was saying I think I'm going to be ok until Nathan gives his salutatorian speech. Well it turns out that Nathan told Jordan (wow how HS!) that hes worried he'll start to cry when he sees me cry. How funny is that?

Anyway, yesterday was his last day but he was already back in today (to get all checked out and whatnot) I went and got him a graduation card and then on top of it a cute little book with fun sayings and things in it. I know that I'm not really supposed to get him a graduation gift, but I figured, why not?

Tomorrow is graduation. I hope kids show up, I hope the play well. I'm going to stay for the whole ceremony but I hope it doesnt last too long. Last year it was quick because we were outside in the cold but this year we'll be inside so it may take longer.

Things are going well. No breakdowns of late (since last weekend at Toshi's) Got an email back from the new therapist - Amy Clark- and I think I'm going to try and set something up with her. Although I've been feeling pretty good recently so of course that is odd.

I ordered a sample of possible wedding invitations and I think we've decided that we'll need to do save the date cards..... oh well, its just money right?

Well I guess thats about all.

I have these phone calls that I dont want to make - State Farm to see if they've heard anything about the other woman paying for my car to be fixed, CitiBank to switch over my mastercard to something thats not driver's edge and Nordstrom to see if they have the dress - although its not on the website.... can I see about emailing? Maybe

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

First Post

So I'm not really sure what it is this blog will be but I thought it might be good for me. A lot has happened to me in the last year and even though I have Toshi it might be good to vent to somewhere that it is likely that no one will ever read.

I started therapy but only went twice. I didnt really like the therapist and she didnt seem to be helping at all so I decided it wasnt worth it. I did email another therapist but I didnt hear anything back so I emailed again.

One of the great things is that Toshi and I found a place. Seattle World Trade Center. I am really excited about it and I think that he is too. Its small and intimate and we can have both the ceremony and reception there. We now have a place and a photographer. The hard part is Stacey keeps getting on my case about dresses. I havent talked to either Stephanie or Shannon yet. Toshi hasnt talked to anyone but Ruben - although now he has a best man! So we've got that much. I want to talk to the two of them but I want him to find two others. We'll see how it all goes, but at least one of three down. I want to find a dress but its hard with Stacey breathing down my throat about it. She wont be around that long and I know that she wants to do as much as possible while she's here but I just dont have that kind of time.

This weekend is Toshi's graduation. Its amazing that hes graduating! Then Sunday is the Barker-Clark dinner. It should be interesting but hopefully good too. Also this weekend we'll send in the contract for the World Trade Center.

I guess thats about all